


Did It Break Us? - Part 2

by LoveYourArtFriend



Series: Did It Break Us? [2]
Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Captain America - All Media Types, Chris Evans - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Romance, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 11:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19904758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveYourArtFriend/pseuds/LoveYourArtFriend





	Did It Break Us? - Part 2

There was a God-awful taste in your mouth. You could taste blood for sure, but the other was...was that dirt? Your first sense to be acknowledged was taste as your eyes couldn't bring themselves to open yet. Steve stood outside your room and watched through the window as the doctor and anesthesiologist brought you out of sedation, relieved you were coming back to the land of the conscious. You could tell your bed was propped up and as your tongue tried to clear the debris from your mouth, a large, involuntary inhale forced its way through your lungs. Steve saw your eyebrows scrunch, a sight he rarely witnessed, and your eyes shot open as you tried to catch your breath. 

“F/n, slow your breathing,” Doctor Harris instructed, his face unsettlingly close for the first image upon opening your eyes. Trying desperately to follow his instruction, you clutched the bed sheet. Steve’s emotions almost shot through the roof as all he wanted to do was be with you and help you through this. The concentration was intense as you quickly got your breathing under control and for that, you were rewarded with a glass of water to rinse your mouth.

Doctor Harris told you of your injuries as he examined the gash along the side of your head and checked the tender spots on your rib cage and your pelvis. Steve watched your facial reactions but he couldn’t tell if you were hurting. You never shared whether you were in pain and it was very seldom that Steve would see it on your face. He never knew whether your pain threshold was really high or if you just never complained. Was it a blessing or a curse? No one would ever know.

After what seemed like an eternity, the anesthesiologist left the room and told Steve he could go in. His heart skipped a beat as he made his way, careful not to interrupt the doctor during his examination.

“So it’ll probably be about six weeks of minimal movement and another six weeks of physical therapy.”

“Twelve weeks is a long time,” you sighed.

“Well, that’s just an estimated time frame but you have to remember your chest will be sore.”

“Right,” you agreed. Your eyes shot over to the door to finally settle on the sight you longed to see...your husband. The urge to start sobbing slowly crept its way into your being and the fight was on to keep it at bay. Bringing your arms up, you welcomed him into your broken aura, knowing his presence would calm you and his touch would reassure you that you could get through this together. 

He sat at the edge of the bed as his arm carefully slid around your shoulder and his lips made contact with your cheek. “I love you,” he whispered in your ear, sending a familiar shiver down your spine.

“I love you, too.” Your arms were tight around his torso, not letting the feeling of tension in his back go unnoticed.

“F/n, what can I get you for pain. What are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, Doctor.” Steve pulled away from you, held your hand and smirked.

“I want to make you comfortable, f/n.”

“I’m okay, really,” you smiled as you tried to reassure him.

“She’ll never tell you she’s in pain. She just…...won’t,” Steve confirmed.

The doctor looked at you as if to say ‘for real?’ “Fine, but please tell us if you do. When we get you up, it could be uncomfortable.” You nodded as the doctor picked up your chart and headed toward the end of your bed. “I’ll leave you two be and check on you again in about an hour.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” you and Steve said almost simultaneously.

Looking into each other’s eyes felt like a somber occasion. You both knew terrible things had happened and now, suddenly, you were left to your own devices to try and work through the awkwardness.

“I thought I lost you,” Steve said as the color red started to rim his eyes.

“I know,” you bow your head down to observe his hand holding yours. “I thought the same. It was all so fast.”

“Will you tell me what happened?”

You nodded as you looked into his sad eyes. Taking in a large breath you started, “I was loading the escape pod...there were only a couple people left. A robot was coming from behind me so I turned to take it down. I was right there, right at the ramp when the city fell. I felt so helpless...everything was rising around me. I could hear the people scream on the pod.” You looked to the ceiling to fight back the tears. “I could barely breathe.” You let out a muffled sob. “The worst part was, I knew what was coming,” tears started to glisten in your eyes. “I could hear everything through the comms.”

Steve nodded, “We all could.”

“I heard Tony,” the tears released themselves and started to fall down your cheeks. Steve tried to quickly wipe them away. “Then I was grabbed by Rhodes. He tried so hard, Steve. He shot us back up but I knew we wouldn’t make it to the carrier. We were hit with the shock wave and he couldn’t keep the suit under control. All I remember is screaming from the pain in my ears and feeling dizzy. Then that was it,” you sobbed. 

A tear escaped Steve’s eye. “Rhodes said you were knocked out by the wave. He held you as best he could but he only had one repulsor. You two were thrown off course and when he knew he couldn’t control the landing, he rolled you on top of the suit and crashed on his back. The beacon in his helmet pinged quite some time later and we found you. Actually, Tony headed out because we thought it was just Rhodes, but FRIDAY scanned your heat signature. Nat and I flew out behind Tony.” Steve looked down at your entwined hands. “It was a sight I will not easily get out of my head.” You rubbed Steve’s hand, knowing now why the tension still lingered in his back.

After a pause, you continued to sob, “Is everyone else alright?”

“No, umm, not everyone.”

You stopped abruptly. A breath hitched in your throat and your eyes widened.

“Uhm, Bruce flew off in the Quinjet and no one knows where he is.”

“What?”

“He stopped Ultron from flying off but he wouldn’t come back when Nat tried to coax him.”

“Oh, Natasha,” you said, sadly.

“She’s keeping herself occupied by trying to help Wanda.”

“Wanda? Is she okay?”

“It’s Pietro. He,” Steve let out a sigh, “he didn’t make it.”

“Oh no!” you gasped, cupping your mouth with your hand.

“Ultron was firing from the Quinjet at Clint and a small child. Pietro blocked the bullets with a car but got caught in the line of fire.” Steve looked down and couldn’t finish.

Tears filled your eyes again and spilled down your cheeks. “He was just a kid,” you sobbed. “Where’s Wanda?”

“She’s at the complex. Tony has a room for her.”

“That’s good,” you wiped the tears from your face. “She’ll need us.”

Steve nodded before replying, “I think we all really need each other right now.” He hesitated before continuing. “There’s uh, one more thing.” You looked at Steve with bated breath, eyes large and heart unwilling to accept more bad news. “Ugh, this is hard,” he whispered.

“What’s going on, Steve? What’s happened,” your voice started to crack.

Steve ran his hand through his hair in an uncomfortable manner. “Umm…...Hun, when Tony got to you and Rhodes, he had FRIDAY do a vitals scan on you,” his voice started to shake.

With your jaw clenched, you slowly asked, “And?”

Steve’s shoulders rose up toward his neck, showing he was clearly tortured by something. “Sh-she said the impact was too hard,” his eyes started to water and he looked down to the floor, “that you were lucky to be alive.” You held Steve’s face in your hand and forced him to look at you. With intent in your eyes and a sadness in your heart, you waited. “I’m sorry, Honey, you, uh, you…..”

At this point, you figured it out. You placed your thumb over his lips so he didn’t have to go on. Taking a large breath and trying to hold your composure, you spoke gently, “How far along was I?”

A tear trickled from the corner of his eye and you wiped it from his cheek. “A couple of weeks,” he finally whispered.

You were so sad that you couldn’t even display emotion on your face. “I’m so sorry, for everything I put you through.”

“Don’t say that, f/n. We didn’t know and it’s not your fault.” The doctor said we’ll be able to try again. Steve kissed you on the forehead and you both tried to hold it together, for each other. 

You felt bad for Steve because you were going to give him a child and that was taken away in an instant. He grieved and you didn’t even know it happened. How unfair was that. You took in another deep breath, “I’m still sorry.”

“We will get through this together,” he promised and with that, you held his hand and laid back in your bed, trying to absorb everything you were told since you woke up. Suddenly, you felt really tired and couldn’t wait to go to sleep. 

~~~~~~

Steve slept in your room for the second night, cursing his height in the reclining chair. He thought he would have slept better but the thought of taking you home and all the new challenges that came with it racked his brain and wouldn’t let him turn it off. He got up and sat in a chair in the corner, carefully clicking on the reading lamp on the table. Natasha had packed a book in his bag, thank God. 

A few chapters in, he was snapped from his train of thought when your breathing started to become erratic. He listened for a moment and slowly rose from the chair, resting his book on the table. Stepping toward the bed, he noticed you were on your side, clutching the pillow. Steve reached for you, gently touching your cheek and hair and coming to the quick realization that you were drenched. Sweating profusely. “F/n? F/n, Honey, it’s okay. You’re safe. Slow your breathing.” 

Your body jolted awake, scared eyes opening and scanning the room. “Shhhh, you’re okay, you’re here with me, f/n,” Steve stroked your hair as he sat beside you on the bed. 

Your facial features relaxed as you realized you were dreaming and it was finally over. You slowly sat up while Steve removed your pillow and went to the small closet to get a fresh one. He placed it behind you as you pondered whether to change your gown. Looking up at Steve, you asked, “Have you been awake this whole time?”

“I couldn’t sleep. I thought I would but my mind was racing.”

“Oh Honey,” you placed your hand on his cheek. 

“Wow,” Steve exclaimed, “you’re warm.” He placed his hand over yours on his cheek.

“Yeah, these bandages are hot and have become very wet. I think I’d like to see if they can be changed.”

“I’ll go get a nurse.”

Within a couple of minutes, Steve returned with a nurse who had replacement bandages and a gown in her hands. You had already turned your back to the door, with your legs dangling over the edge of the bed when the nurse spoke, “Oh f/n, are you trying to make a getaway?” You chuckled as she came to stand in front of you, handing you a towel to dry off. “I’m Dana and I’ll be at your service tonight.”

“I’ll keep out of the way,” Steve motioned toward the door, thinking he should exit the room.

“Oh, I could use your help, Dear,” Dana persuaded.

“Are you sure?”

“Mmm hmm, could you please stand behind f/n and undo her gown?”

“Not a problem, Ma’am.” Steve untied the gown and opened the back to reveal all your wraps, from your armpits down to your hips. He was a little taken aback to see some big bruises on your shoulders. They looked painful.

Nurse Dana started unwrapping as you tried to hold your arms out. She went as fast as she could, knowing it would be difficult to keep your arms up for too long. Steve placed his hands under your arms and gave you the relief you needed. As the wrappings revealed more of your body, more bruising appeared before Steve’s eyes. His face winced at the large discolorations that painted a picture across your back. He followed them down until the wraps came off your right side and there they were, red and purple hand prints from Rhodey’s suit, a visual of where he held you upon impact. Steve’s eyes began to water. Were the bruises not there when FRIDAY scanned her? How did she miss this?

“Oh Honey, you’re so bruised,” he said sadly.

“I guess I’ll have some reminders for a while,” you stated quietly.

Steve nodded with a sadness in his heart, ‘Me, too,’ he thought to himself.

When the wrappings were done, he tied up your fresh gown and walked around the bed to see your facing smiling at him. He wrapped your arms around his neck and gently pulled you from the bed, carefully allowing you to stand on your own. His own hands were tenderly placed at your waist for support. Nurse Dana quickly changed the sheets and when she was done, you weren’t convinced you wanted to Steve to let you go. You could have stayed in his arms all night but he was tired, you could see it in the dark circles that had formed under his eyes. Having seen them only a small handful of times before, you wanted nothing more than to have him finally sleep and release the weight that seemed to be sitting heavily on his shoulders.

“You need to sleep, Honey,” you kissed his cheek as he gently helped you lay back in the bed.

“Yeah, I think I’ll try again.” He brought your covers up for you and leaned in for a kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you smiled up at him.

Steve reclined on the uncomfortable chair and before you could count to ten, you could hear his breathing become heavier, almost snoring. With a smile on your face and knowing Steve was out cold, you rolled gently to your side and tried to settle your mind. It didn’t take long though and suddenly you were grasping for an escape pod that was too far out of your reach. This time you woke yourself up, sweat trickling down your temple. “Again? Shit, this isn’t good.” At this point, you convinced yourself to try and stay awake. If you didn’t sleep, you didn’t dream, or maybe you had to be good and exhausted before trying to sleep through the night. You reached as far as you could and grabbed Steve’s book from the table. After thirty minutes of scrolling through the pages, your eyes had become heavy and your head flopped forward. You fought the sleep and tried desperately to stay awake, your head bobbing while you faded in and out of consciousness. You opened your eyes and caught a glimpse of a robot coming toward you, an annoying sight you were tired of seeing. 

The destruction of the bot was interrupted by the morning nursing rounds. “Oh, thank God,” you muttered aloud as your mind brought you back to the here and now.

“F/n, you’re awake?” your nurse noticed.

You started to sit up in the bed and wipe the moisture from your forehead, “I didn’t sleep well...lots of dreams.” You looked over at Steve who started stirring in his chair.

“You’re going to have a busy day today. We’ll be taking you to Imaging, Physio and X-Ray.” 

“I love field trips,” you smiled.

“Will your husband be joining us today?”

“I’m hoping he’ll go home and get some proper rest and descent food. No offense,” you looked sheepishly at your nurse.

“You’re trying to get rid of me?” Steve grumbled from the other side of the room as he stood and stretched.

“Well, if f/n’s scans come back okay, you should be able to take her home before dinner.”

Steve’s face lit up with a smile from ear to ear as he looked at you. “That’s wonderful,” he clapped his hands together. “I’ll go get us some celebratory breakfast. No offence,” he blushed at the nurse.

“No need, Steve, we’ve got it taken care of.”

You turned your head to the door and saw Natasha and Rhodes walk in with bags of food.

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed, practically jumping out of the bed with excitement.

“It’s not visiting hours,” Steve stated as he cleared the small side table to allow for the food.

“Natasha can be very persuasive,” Rhodes chuckled as he came over to give you a hug, sliding the cast on his broken wrist behind you. “I have been thinking about you constantly, Darlin’. I’m so relieved to see you.”

“You saved me,” James, you whispered into his ear. “How do I even begin to repay you?” your eyes started to water.

“It’s an occupational hazard, f/n. We’ve got the weirdest job,” he jested as he pulled away from the embrace.

You laughed while wiping any rogue tears, “I agree.”

“Okay, quit hogging her!” Nat demanded as she came to the other side of your bed. She kissed your cheek and asked if you wanted to get up. You nodded your head and between Nat and the nurse who was still standing off to the side, a little awestruck at the amazing individuals gathered in your hospital room, they helped stand you up. Nat put another gown on you, like a housecoat and you slowly made your way to your bathroom. 

“Go ahead and start eating. I’ll be right back…..but leave me some food,” you wagged your finger at the boys. Steve opened a container of strawberries and put one to your lips as you came past. You opened your mouth and he dropped it in, then leaned in for a kiss.

When you were out of sight, Nat whispered, “She looks rough.”

“She didn’t sleep well last night.”

“I take it she’s not on any pain meds, like usual,” Rhodes asked. Steve nodded. “Don’t know how she does it, Man. This thing hurts like a son of a bitch,” he held up his broken wrist, “and I’m not ashamed to let everyone know it.”

“We know,” Nat stated bluntly, “we know.”

~~~~~~

He waited until your husband was finally dragged home by Natasha, to rest a few hours and bring back some clothes for you to wear home. Still feeling guilty, he didn't want to approach Steve until things were better, if they ever could be. Until then, Tony needed to see you.

Just as you got comfortable, resting before heading to Imaging, a soft voice spoke out, “Hey, Kiddo.”

“It's about damn time!” you softly replied. Trying to adjust yourself, you desperately held out your arms for a hug, tears filled your eyes.

Tony walked over and sat on your bed, gently wrapping his arms around you. He could feel your shoulders shake and then the sobs started. “You realize you're destroying my ego,” he smiled. “I typically don't have women cry on my shoulder when they see me.”

“They don't know you like I do,” you retorted between breaths.

“Oh, slam!” he joked. He could feel you try and wipe your tears away before you faced him. F/n, I'm so sorry.”

“For what?” You pulled away sharply. 

He held his head down, a sigh escaping his lips before he answered. “Sokovia. Hearing you still haunts me. It haunts all of us. I, I had to blow the….”

“Don't you dare, Tony,” you cut in abruptly. Taking his face in your hands and forcing him to look at you, “Don't! We were all in that together and….it just…....happened. Blowing the core was the right thing. It had to be done,” you assured as you remove your hands from his sad looking face.

“I'm responsible for _**everything.**_ You, Maximoff, Banner…” he trailed off as his eyes shot down to your belly where your baby should have been growing and thriving.

“I will heal, Tony. We will all heal, in our own time.” You took in a deep breath, “We learn from our experiences and I understand the path you were on, I get it completely.” Tony reached down and held your hand. “But that _**thing**_ was not your creation and definitely not your intent. We didn’t know it then but we know now that Vision was the true destined outcome.”

“How do you always know what to say? You're the only one that gets me.”

“I know how your crazy-ass mind works, Mr. Stark.”

“I'm so glad my visit has cheered me up.”

You laughed, “Yeah, thanks for making it all about you.”

“Are you comfortable, do you need anything?” he squeezed your hand.

“I'm fine, Tony.”

“Liar.”

You smiled at him.

“I love ya, Kid,” Tony leaned in to kiss your forehead.

~~~~~~

Your release from the hospital was quiet. Everyone knew you came home but no one bothered you for the evening, to let you settle and rest. Steve was the doting husband although most times you begged him to just let you get up and move around a little. 

Nighttime was a little more awkward as Steve treated you like porcelain. He was afraid to touch you when all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around your body and hold you close. After those few nights away from him, you needed _**his**_ reassurance, his closeness to confirm to you that everything would be alright. He laid on his side, facing you, and let you cuddle into his chest. His arm gently draped itself over your torso and you didn't move an inch. You were sound asleep. Steve thanked God you were with him at that moment and drifted into a solid slumber.

Later in the night, Steve woke as he felt your breathing intensify and he started to rub your back. He thought maybe you were awake at this point as you started talking.

“Love...you...too.”

He soon came to the realization that you were re-experiencing Sokovia. Suddenly you started to grab for him. He was surprised and let go of your body. Your movements were actions of desperation as you pulled yourself on top of him and tried to wrap your arms and legs around his torso, your head under his chin. You clambered to hold him, your breath reaching an exceedingly rapid rate and sweat dripping off your skin. A sudden violent scream erupted from your chest, piercing his ears, then there was nothing, nothing but calm.

Steve laid there with his arms open, his own heart rate accelerated. You had scared the shit out of him. Nothing could have prepared him for what he just experienced. It was shocking to watch someone else have the bad dreams and he immediately felt bad for all the nights he put you through it with his own haunting images. 

You had woken yourself up and tried to slide yourself off his body, you whispered, “I'm sorry.”

Steve was in disbelief and couldn't speak for a moment but shortly managed to say, “Don’t apologize. You alright?”

“I'm okay, just sweaty.”

Little did he know he would relive this with you over and over again. The first time scared him, the second time broke his heart and by the third time, he was beside himself and couldn't help but shed a tear. ‘How do I fix this?’ he mentally asked then all thoughts would lead to Tony and how none of this would have happened if he didn't try to create something that was out of his league. As the night had continued to bring your nightmare to life, Steve’s anger toward Tony festered. Continuing to lose sleep, he found it very difficult to forgive the man who caused all this.

“Captain, Miss Maximoff is at your door.”

“Thank you, FRIDAY,” he replied.

You peeled yourself off of Steve, yet again, and tried to hold back the tears.

Steve got up and went to the door. “Wanda, is everything okay?” he asked quietly.

Wanda put her hand on Steve's arm, “I can feel her, Steve.”

“What?”

“F/n’s energy, I can feel it and I know her mind cannot calm down. I can help her if you allow it.” Steve opened the door without hesitation and motioned for her to come in. “May I?” she pointed toward the bedroom.

“Of course.”

Wanda walked down the hallway and peeked her head into your bedroom. “F/n?”

“Wanda!” You turned on the edge of the bed to face her, tears had stained your cheeks. “Please help me?” you begged, your voice cracking. “I keep going back and I don’t,” you inhaled deeply, “I can’t do it anymore. I keep reliving it over and over again and it’s too real. I’m constantly saying goodbye,” you started to sob, “and it hurts.”

Steve stood at the door and when he heard your desperate request, he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, failing miserably at keeping his tears from escaping. He stepped into the room and slid behind you on the bed, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and letting you lean back and relax on his chest.

“I could feel your energy in Sokovia when the core blew, I felt everything and then nothing. Nothing until tonight.” Her hand started to twist and glow. She brought it up in front of your face, “Go back and finish it, F/n.”

Your sobs ceased immediately as you stared through Wanda, into your own world, your own memory.

“What are you showing her? Steve asked, a bit reluctant. The team’s first experience with Wanda’s visions was not pleasant but he knew you didn’t come in contact with her until after she and her brother fled from Ultron.

“I am not showing her anything she didn’t already experience,” Wanda assured, “but her subconscious is open and she will hear everything that happened while she was in her state of darkness.” 

Steve was a little freaked out because you looked focused, yet focused on nothing. And in your mind, you lived through it all.

_**“Lo....ve.….you…...too.”** _

_**“Thor, on my mark. I’m sorry, Steve. NOW!”** _

_**“I got you, F/n. Wrap yourself around me and hang on tight.”** _

_**“Shit, we’re going down!”** _

_**“Rhodes to Carrier, we’re grounded. I’ve got F/n but she’s in bad shape. Hill, can you hear me? Hill? Damn it! F/n, I’m not letting you go, please hang in there, Girl. You’ll be okay. They’ll come for us.”** _

_**“FRIDAY, scan her, now. Jesus, F/n, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. We love you, don’t you dare leave us.”** _

_**“Captain, your wife was not quite three weeks pregnant.”** _

_**“Was?”** _

_**“F/n, it’s Nat. You’re safe on the Quinjet. We’re going to get you taken care of because Steve needs you, we all need you.”** _

_**“Baby, I know you can hear me. You are my life and I have to have you by my side. You’ll get through this….we’ll get through this, together. I love you so much.”** _

_**“Agent Rogers? F/n? You’re in the hospital. Can you open your eyes?”** _

Your eyes blinked and your head twitched. You weren’t sure if you were awake or dreaming but when Wanda cupped her hands on your face, it brought you into the real world and you could feel the heat from Steve’s body, his breath on your neck. You breathed in a deep sigh. Your body was calm, not what you were expecting and you directed your eyes up to Wanda’s face. Then, you cried.

Steve looked at Wanda in confusion. “Is she okay?”

“She needed to finish the journey so her energy would release and not take her back there in her subconscious state. She’s processing an overwhelming amount of information, an experience that can be very emotional, but yes, she is okay. You should both try and sleep now,” she put her hand on Steve’s shoulder and leaned forward to kiss the top of your head. “I will check on her tomorrow. Good night.” 

“Thank you, Wanda. After everything that has happened, I mean that, sincerely,” Steve quietly stated.

“I am happy that I could help,” she whispered with a small smile and turned to walk out of your bedroom.

Steve continued to hold you as your mind started to quiet and your tears stopped flowing. He planted small kisses on your neck and whispered in your ear, “You are so beautiful and I love you so much.” 

After a few moments, you felt you were ready to sleep, your eyelids heavier than they had ever been before. Reaching your arm up behind Steve’s head, your fingers ran through his hair then you turned your head to kiss him. “I’m sorry, Hun. I can’t forget that your emotions have been on a roller coaster, as well. I am so thankful for you, Steve. I love you.”

He pressed his mouth to yours again, gently, longingly, passionately. He loved you more than ever and so desperately wanted to touch you, to kiss you, to make love to you. He took your hand in his and entwined his fingers with yours, your wedding bands clinked together.

He smiled, “When it’s right, we’ll definitely make up for lost time.”


End file.
